jokes December 6, 2008Posted by mbintanghp in somethin' stupid.
baru baca nih,,
saatnya kembali berbagi jokes-jokes..hehe :D
oya sekalian, mumpung sy lagi sempet ngupload nih, filenya dah bisa diambil..
ada 7 biji, silakan dilahap sepuasnya..hehe
# A Biker and God
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, he Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”
The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The upports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more ime and think of something that would honour and glorify me.”
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand a woman. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
# US President
An American, an Englishman and a Japanese fellow were discussing their respective countries over drink at a London pub one evening.
The English fellow mentioned how that British medicine had progressed so far that doctors recently had taken a single liver and cut it into six pieces then transplanted it into six separate men in need of a healthy liver. This had resulted in six new workers in the job market.
At this, the Japanese guy said that in his country doctors had cut a lung into twelve pieces, transplanted these into twelve people in need of healthy lungs, thereby putting twelve new people in the job market.
Not to be outdone, the American said “That’s nothing. In the U.S. we took one asshole, made it President, and now there are 10 million people in the market for a job.”
A Pakistani was sitting with an Indian and Malaysian in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden Saudi police entered and arrested them.
But, as it was a national holiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving20 lashes of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: “I allow each of you one wish before your whipping.”
So the Malaysian guy thought for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.” This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The India n guy, watching the scene, said: “Please fix two pillows on my back”.
But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again. Sheikh turned to Pakistani and aid: “You are from a brother country, so you can have 2 wishes!”
“Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness”, the Pakistani replies.
“My first wish is: I would like to have 40 lashes.”
“If you so desire”, the Sheikh replies with questioning look on his face, “and your second wish?”
“Tie the Indian to my back”, the Pakistani answers.
# I Like This Place..!!
One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper. A man was walking by and said “Wow what a goddamn fish!” The sister said “Sir you shouldn’t talk to me like that: I’m a nun”, and the man said “But that’s the name of it: a goddamn fish”. So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said “Mother superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught.” The mother superior said “Sister, you shouldn’t talk like that!”, and the sister said “But mother superior, that’s the name of it: a goddamn fish”. So the mother superior said “Well give me the goddamn fish and I’ll clean it.” While she was cleaning the fish the monsignor walked in and she said “Monsignor look at the goddamn fish that the sister caught.” The monsignor said “Mother superior you shouldn’t talk like that!”, and the mother superior said “But that’s the name of it: a goddamn fish”. So the monsignor said “Well give me the goddamn fish and I’ll cook it”. That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said “Wow what a nice fish”. And the sister said “I caught the goddamn fish.” And mother superior said “I cleaned the goddamn fish”. And the monsignor said “I cooked the goddamn fish”. And the new priest said: “I like this fucking place already!”
# The Flat Tire
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as “Bonkistry.” He has been around forever, so I wouldn’t put it past him to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid A.
These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to UV (University of Virginia) and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UV for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn’t have a spare and couldn’t get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.
So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about morality and solutions and was worth 5 points. “Cool” they thought, “this is going to be easy.” They did that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. It said:
95 POINTS. WHICH TIRE?
# F***ing Golf
A man went to Confession and said to the priest : “Forgive me, Father. I used the F-word this week.”
“Ah, my son. Tell me the circumstances which caused you to use the F-word. After all, I can understand a person being provoked into using it.”
“Well, I was golfing and I had just hit a beautiful tee-shot that sailed straight as an arrow for 280 yards, but then suddenly sliced into the woods.”
“That is when you used the F-word. I can appreciate your frustration, my son, as I am a golfer myself.”
“No, I stayed cool at that point, Father. I then hit a perfect shot out of the woods, but suddenly it landed in the sand trap.”
“Now, I can understand you saying the F-word at that point.” “No, Father, I was calm even then. I got out my sand wedge and hit a perfect shot out of the trap right at the pin, but suddenly the ball stopped an inch from the cup.”
“Ah, that is when you used the F-word. How frustrating.”
“No, Father, I was still cool.”
“YOU MEAN YOU MISSED THE FUCKING PUTT?!?!??!”